All That Damn Time
by frequentlydazzeledbylit
Summary: All that damn time i was in love with him. Rory/Jess set at Sookies Wedding. OOC with rory a bit. Present for no updates on TTTBUT. One-shot rated M for language. Read and Review please!


**Title: All That Damn Time**

**Author: Lillitgirlx2**

**Paring: Rory/Jess because anything else is just wierd :)**

**Summary: All that damn time it was because I was in love with him. And know I knew it was true.**

**Spoilers: End of Season 2 Sookies Wedding.**

Hey there! I know I haven't update TTTBUT in a while but I'm kinda stuck. So in order to make up for the no updating I will give you this little one-shot. Review after please and if you have any ideas for The Tragedy That Brought Us Together please tell me!! Here we go. This takes places in the second season at Sookie's wedding. Rory and Jess might be a little OOC but what's the fun in writing something that's already been done? Also the words from the show are going to be different just because I say so. :) Haha

Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing. but if I did jess wouldn't leave duh!

Enjoy!

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Rory's POV

As I walked with my dad up the hill asking him if he was staying for real I had this little feeling he wasn't telling the truth. It's not that I didn't believe him but that I knew it wouldn't work out. It never had and never will. Fortunately I figured that a long time ago. _Here it comes_ I tell myself. Again and again every damn time he comes he always fucks everything up; my life, my mother's life, my grandparents' life even! Every single time he steps foot in Stars Hollow. I don't know why my mother always takes him in. I guess that's what it is with your old loves. At that thought I remembered Dean, who was back at the wedding waiting for me to come back. I know that some girls would love there boyfriend to wait for them and to follow them around but frankly I was sick of it. My dad's cell phone rang and he looks at it for a second and in the second I see his eyes flash to something I can't name. I knew that it wasn't "work" like he said. It never was. But whatever, it's not like he hasn't lied before. So I give him a smile and send him off with the call from "work".

As I turn around I see the one face that I had been seeing everywhere: in the diner, in my room, in the bookstore, in the market, in my mind, _in my dreams_ I remind myself. But you see the thing was that he was in New York when I "saw" him. He wasn't really here. But when I saw him as I turned around I knew it wasn't my mind playing tricks with me _or my heart_. That thought quickly passes through my mind and it stays near the front of my head. I roll it over and over as I walk down the hill toward him. I remember what I thought earlier about Dean and what I had been feeling ever since I came back from New York. I had been feeling loneliness and not loved how I should be or even in love. That was the part that scared me the most.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as if I didn't know. But I really didn't, I had a slight feeling as to why, but I needed to be sure. He dodges the question with a "You look nice," comment. _Good old Dodger. No wonder I gave him the nickname._

"Thank you," I say nicely but he can see in getting a bit anxious as to why he is here. So I ask again and finally I get the answer I was looking for.

"Well you see this beautiful girl came to New York to see me and then left with a stupid excuse. So, I had to come down and see what was up." That smirk appeared on his face like it had a million times this past year but this time it was different. It was as if I was seeing it for the first time. It was as if he did it to get a point across. But the million dollar question was: what was the point being made?

"Oh did she?" I said it with a knowing voice. I knew he wouldn't last long if I played his game of a "mystery girl" he wasn't a go around the bush kind-of guy.

"Yes she did and I needed to see her so I came to her town and I am trying to find her. Do you know where she is?" Well well well, Dodger, you finally get to the question.

"Jess," I say in somewhat of a pleading voice just because I had to go soon and I needed to know what he was here for. Also Dean would come looking for me-- Dean! Shit! But wait- hadn't I just said earlier I was sick of him. Sick of his games? Of his ownership of me. Hadn't I said that my heart just wasn't in it and that my heart felt lonely without _him_ here? "What are you doing here?" I finally become serious and I can see that he knows he needs to be too. He mulls it over in his head about what he's going to say. If he's going to tell a lie or brush it off and say nothing, if he's going to tell the truth or get mad and walk away saying never mind it was stupid. All of those things I knew were a possibility. Then as he spoke I realized it was the least expected one. The truth.

"I came to see you. I can't help but wonder about your visit in New York Ror. I just ….. I don't know anymore." He confesses. I finally know what he's feeling for once and I agree with him. I didn't know. So, I did the one thing my heart had wanted. It was to be loved and kissed and I knew that this boy standing in front of me could do all of that to me. He would love me and kiss me. Yeah I knew it might be a bumpy ride but what relationship isn't? _Yours and Deans._ No I tell myself that has been one to because of Jess. He came and everything went to hell. But in a good way. _If that's possible_. So, I kissed him. I kissed him with the passion I knew I could never get from Dean and would always get from Jess. I wrapped my arms around his waist as his hands went to my face and god, did it burn. He then moved his hands down toward my waist and the small of my back. I knew I should have backed away but I didn't. I drank in the feeling of my heart being full and having company in the form of Jess's heart. I felt his tongue lick my bottom lip for entrance and allowed it. I felt his tongue fight with mine and I fought back. I moved my hands from around his waist and moved them up to his neck. We slowed down the kiss as it was getting a bit heavy. I broke apart first and waited a good ten seconds before opening my eyes. I never moved my hands from his neck and he didn't move his from my waist. His eyes told me that it was my call. I could walk away, or stay but if I stayed I had to do one thing. I knew what the one thing was and I knew what I was going to do. I just had to do it.

"Rory….. What was that?" He asked. I knew it had two meanings. One meaning was to get me to talk and the other was the actual question: what was that kiss for? _Me, you and my heart_, my brain answered. I knew it was true.

"That Jess, was exactly what it was: a kiss. I know why I did it and I know that I've been waiting for it." I explained. Although it didn't cover what he was asking it told him that I knew that he would wait till I could get to it. The next words out of his mouth were the words I was afraid of. The ones that I knew he had not been wanting to say but had to for my sake. He said the words that had been haunting my head since he left. Since I saw him in New York and had been pounding the front of my brain since I pulled away from the kiss.

"What about Dean, Ror?" That question brought my arms down from his neck and my head down. "I don't know Jess! Okay? I don't know! I just know that I can't deal with it. I can't deal with you being away and I can't deal with him trailing me around! You haunt me everywhere and when you don't haunt me I'm thinking about you. In the diner, I wait for you to come downstairs so we can argue about books, so you push my intelligence _that much further_! But then I remember 'Oh, wait. He's not here.' I can't take this anymore Jess!" As I said this I being moving a little bit further away from him and facing the lake. I still had ten minutes before I had to be down at the wedding. Hopefully that was enough time.

"Oh." That one word annoyed the shit out of me. Did he not feel the same? Did he-- his mouth was on mine and his arms were pulling my flush against his body. My god did this boy have a body even though he had a shirt and coat (that was not zipped) on you could still feel his muscles. He kissed me with more passion than I had ever been aware people could have. He kissed me hard. He turned us around and started slowly pushing me back so we were hidden from the path and my back was against the tree. He still had his mouth over mine and was pushing his tongue through my lips so it could play with mine and it was allowed. I pulled him closer with my arms around my neck and pushed my tongue against his. The thoughts of Dean, my mother and father not working out and the wedding, which was in about five minutes, came to my mind but were not paid attention to. The only thing that was paid any attention to was my heart and want finally lining up. They were finally being loved and cared for with the care I had been longing for. He pulled back slightly for air and opened his eyes. I opened my eyes and looked into his. I knew our eyes had the same look. I had seen it once before but never thought anything about it. Now I could.

"Wow," I said it. The cliché word that everyone says after a powerful kiss just to say something. "Yeah wow." Well, at least I'm not the only one.

"Jess, what do we do?" Now I was the one asking questions. But this question was special. It had all that was needed.

"Well, you go to the wedding and talk to Dean. I will go to the diner and work. When you are ready you come find me. I'm not going to push you Ror, you know I like you and from what I heard and _felt_ I know you like me to or … at least I'm hoping." He joked on the last part. I was relieved of what he said. I knew he would never push me but I just wasn't sure. I had figured out that I never could be with Jess. I didn't know if I liked that but I didn't seem to hate it. I followed with the future and saw good things and bad. But what thought doesn't have bad things? I knew it would work with us.

"Okay." I breathed ever so softly. I could hear my mom calling my name and Dean was right behind her. I knew they would find me and that Jess would want to leave before they did but I was ready now.

"Kiss me again Jess," I begged him but he had heard my mom and Dean and he knew we would get caught. "Rory, you know I would but you need to go and I need to go before I can't kiss you again." He had told me what I already knew but it wasn't what I wanted. It would be easier this way. It would be easier to explain and get it over with. Sure, it wasn't the safest but it had to reasons to it: I didn't want to leave him and I didn't know how to tell them.

"Yeah I know but please! It'll be easier this way," I kept begging. I knew I could win but I needed to before they found us. Where we were standing against the tree was a good spot but it was only hidden from one part of the trail. And it wasn't the part of the trail they were coming down. I could see him once again mull this over. But he must have thought very quickly because in an instant his lips were back on mine just as hard as they were two minutes ago. I could hear Dean and my mom getting closer and how Jess was kissing me would only make them think he pressured me with him pushing me against the tree. So I turned us around so I was pushing him and finally I heard the gasps. They gasp of shock and anger coming from the trail. But they didn't matter to me none of it did. The only thing that mattered to me was that I was kissing someone I love. Someone who would love me and care for me. Someone who knew me almost as good as or even better than I knew myself. Someone who could match me for my intelligence and witty banter. Someone who I felt comfortable with. My heart finally felt whole again and I wasn't lonely. All that damn time it was just that I didn't love Dean. That I didn't want to be the perfect princess who fell in love with her first boyfriend and married him 5 years later with 2 kids. It was that I wanted to be a journalist. It was that my dad would never be a dad to me. When I broke apart for air I could see Dean being held back by my mother. She had known and I was glad because it was just one less person I had to explain it to. But the thing I really saw when I opened my eyes was his. They were full love, care and want. Someone finally wanted me. All that damn fucking time I was lonely it was just because of something I already knew. I had fallen for the bad boy. I had fallen in love with Jess Mariano. And you know what? It feels pretty damn good.

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I know it might suck but that's what you get for my mind wondering at 2-3 in the morning while listening to Let Her Cry, Iris and Collide (Hootie and the Blowfish, Goo Goo Dolls and Howie Day). Tell me what you think please. You can be mean. Also ideas for TTTBUT please leave with the reviews. Now pres that button!! -A :)


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